I remember the first time I ever questioned my worth was in high school when I had best friend drama. I didn’t view myself as an individual but as someone that was a part of the group. Every time we would have a little squabble amongst us girls, I would be segregated from the group or just plain ignored. I remember clearly the sting I would feel, the feeling of rejection. See, at the time I didn’t understand the whole conversation about us as children of God rooting our source in Christ and not in friends or people. It is very clear in the bible that man will fail you, but God won’t.” It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans” (Psalm 118.8). I wasn’t at that stage yet, I just wanted to be included and feel worthy of the group I was part of. Fast-forward to college like a good 4 years after that time I am still struggling with my worth and what exactly it is. Bigger level, bigger devils, right?
In college my struggles went from being rejected in a friend group because somehow, I made a conscious decision to view myself as an individual and being strong independent black woman. LOL I thought I had diagnosed my problem and I gave it an earthly solution. It wasn’t too long after that I started feeling the sense of rejection this time not from friends because you make loads of those in college. It came from being heard, noticed or appreciated by the opposite sex aka (Boys). I was fine my first semester, I knew what I wanted but by the second semester I started having these doubtful thoughts.
The first set of lies, yes, I call them lies and you should too. I have a bad personality (to loud), I’m not fit enough (Can’t keep a gym, routine to save my life), I’m not his spec, My braids or afro probably scare them away (so I started destroying my natural curl pattern with a straightener), I am too Christian (the worst lie of them all). These are a few I remember but I placed my worth in all those things or how much of those things I had. I lost the real essence of what God wanted me to be amidst trying to be all those things.
Why are we Struggling?
The first time I really got asked how I felt about my worth was by my junior year roommate. I thought long and hard and the only thing I could think of was how I didn’t have all those things that were supposed to make me feel worthy.
I looked up the meaning of worth and one of the Merriam Webster definitions was, “: the value of something measured by its qualities or by the esteem in which it is held “.
When I read this definition, I was like OMG….. that’s where we humans get it wrong. The problem is that we try as people to add qualities or esteem to ourselves and this is often based on worldly or temporary things. We then proceed to measure ourselves on a scale, which by the way is also of the world (expectations of this world). When we do this, we struggle to see our true worth because we are in fact empty without Christ, which is the feeling people usually voice out as a hole within them or a pit etc.
Its in Christ
It is at this point that we go into panic mode because we don’t see our worth. Dear Sister/Brother this is because our worth is meant to be found in Christ and not anything else. Do you know the value that Christ has placed you on? It is one so big that he laid his life for you, don’t even get me started on that. “Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31.
Guys the issue of us questioning our worth is something we do every time consciously and unconsciously. The purpose of this blog is not to tell you that I have an A+ at recognizing my worth in Christ it is to tell you that as long as we are apart from God we will continue to question and search for our worth in all the wrong places which by the way will never satisfy us. “For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” Psalm 107:9. For those of you that are well aware of these struggles within them and seek Gods face on it, do you notice that the next day is always a harder situation than the day before? The enemy of the soul hates that we are co-heirs with Christ and that we are owned by Christ, so he seeks to put in lies that distort our true image which is in Christ. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41
We were created to be dependent on Christ and so when you are cut off from the source we seek things that don’t matter. He calls you his own, you are precious to God and once your source of happiness is coming from Christ, the things of this world will not matter. Now you know I love to keep it real and I will not deceive you by saying, this is a “say a prayer one and done deal” and you feel the transformation. I do not doubt the power of prayer but a relationship and steady listening at Christ feet’s is also very important at helping you keep those lies out of your heart . You have to be filled with the truth that Christ has for you. We cannot fight this on an empty gas tank, we have to be constantly filled with his power that he gives us to fight back the lies of the devil.
I pray that when you read this post, you will experience the light of God and it will shine on your heart so that you can radiate his glory.